Here they are -the top four sexual turn-offs women have always wanted men to know about. I compiled this list based on interviews, seminars and discussion groups I have conducted with women.
They represent the most common sexual complaints women have about men.
1. MEN WHO ARE BAD KISSERS
“1 love my boyfriend, but to be honest, he is a horrible kisser. I think he must have heard somewhere that it’s sexy to jam your tongue down a woman’s throat. The minute we start to kiss, there’s that damn tongue, like some enomious, wet slug flopping all over the inside of my mouth.” – Maliya, 24.
“I hate men who kiss with hard, tense lips. They are so rigid and mechanical – I get total!y uptight.” – Thelma, 24.
“My husband has this awful habit of making noise when he kisses, like a wet smacking sound. Not on’y does it turn me off but it makes me laugh, so I avoid kissing him f I want to have sex.” –Trisha, 31.
Kissing can be so romantic, so magical, so sexy so … disgusting! There’s nothing worse than a man who is a bad kisser. No matter what else he does to turn you on; no matter how skilled he is in bed; you always know that he can’t kiss, and it just doesn’t allow you to respect him as a lover.
Who is the worst kisser of all? The man who doesn’t kiss you. He likes to have sex, but avoids the intimacy of kissing. Maybe you get a perfunctory kiss on the forehead, or the cheek, but nothing like the passionate kiss of love every woman dreams of.
2. MEN WHO ARE TOO ROUGH
“How do I tell my husband that he touches me too hard? I don’t feel like I’m being made love to – I feel like I’m being man-handled.” –Jasy, 28.
“Sometimes I wish men would make love more like women. I need gentleness, tenderness, and sensitivity to turn’. me on. Instead, I feel like I’ve being given a macho demonstration of how a man is supposed to look in bed, and frankly, it does nothing for me.” –Jessica, 25.
Men don’t realize they’re being rough. They think they’re being passionate, or sexy or aggressive. But often it just feels rough to a woman. We don’t feel like we’re being caressed – we feel like we’re being squeezed, prodded, and pressed against.
Guys, did you know that because you have more testosterone than women, your skin is thicker and therefore less sensitive to touch? This is why most men enjoy firm, strong touching during sex. A caress that is too gentle may not even register as a touch for you.
Women, however, have very sensitive skin. It is thinner and more highly tuned. So If you touch a woman like a man would like to be touched, It’s going to feel too rough to us, as If you’ie using too much pressure.
Sure, there are times women enjoy lovemaking that is a little more forceful, especially with someone we trust. But we don’t like being thrown around, having our skin rubbed so hard it feels like it’s going to peel off, or moved this way and that in an insensitive manner.
Ask your lover to show you how she would like to be touched by demonstrating on you. “How could this possibly turn her on” you’ll think. “I can hardly feel a thing.” Maybe you can’t, but we can. Try it.
3. MEN WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH HOW A WOMAN LOOKS
“He wants you to have the perfect body with not one ounce of extra fat, but he has a potbelly that makes him look pregnant.” –Maliya, 24.
“He constantly criticizes your wardrobe and gives you instructions about what to wear.” –Doris, 19.
Before you go out he checks your hair your makeup, your outfit to see if he “approves.” –Trisha, 31.
I was with a man like this once. I never looked good enough for him. I was too fat; I wasn’t toned enough; my clothes were too conservative; my hair never looked tight. Do you think this was good for my self- esteem? Do you think it made me feel sexy and in the mood to make love? Not quite.
Women love looking beautiful for the man they love. But when you become obsessed with our looks, we feel like an object, not a person. Your constant criticism makes us feel scrutinized, devalued, and ultimately turned off sexually. How can we relax in bed when you’ve been judging us so harshly?
The thing I’ve never understood is that often, the guys who are the most obsessed with having their woman look perfect are the once who look like crap themselves. Come on, fellows. Before you say anything to us about our appearance, look in the mirror. Maybe you could use a little of the improvement you seem to be shoving down our throat.
4. MEN WHO JUDGE A WOMAN BY HER ORGASMS
“I feel so pressured by my husband. Whenever we’re making love, he asks me a dozen times, Did you come yet’ Did you come yet” Even if I was getting close, that ruins it for me.” –Pel, 25.
“I love having sex with my boyfriend, but l am sick of the pressure he puts on me to have an orgasm. Sometimes I come, and sometimes I don’t; but whenever I don’t; he acts like it’s a personal tragedy for him. I hate feeling like I have to have an orgasm in order to make him feel like a man” –Bella, 22.
“My body is really sensitive, and often when I’m having sex with my husband, I enjoy the closeness and intimacy, but don’t necessarily feel like getting totally aroused and having a climax. The problem is that he feels obligated to make sure I come even when I don’t want to, and goes at it full force. I practically have to pull him off me and beg him to stop.” –Trisha, 31.
Orgasms are nice, but they’re not everything to a woman. When we make love with our partner, we treasure the whole experience, not just ten seconds of pleasure at the end. Some guys, however, become fixated on making sure their partner always comes, even when she doesn’t feel like it, or when her body isn’t in the mood. They judge her and the success of the lovemaking based on whether or not she had an orgasm – and women bate this.
Having sex is complicated enough for women because of all the things I’ve talked about in other articles – the last thing we need is to feel our partner is lying there counting the seconds until we come. This kind of pressure is a total turnoff, and actually will prevent us from relaxing enough to have an orgasm even If we want to.
Some guys get really obnoxious about this – they count their partners’ orgasms like pelts they’ve collected in a hunt. “Oh baby, you came twice. Iet’s see if you can go for three times tonight.” There’s nothing wrong with having multiple orgasms if that’s what our body wants to do, but we don’t want to do it just so you will feel like a big, virile man. Another version of this is guys who rate their partner’s orgasms, like grading an earthquake or a hurricane: “That was a big one — a 7.9 on the orgasm Richter scale.” Give us a break.
By now you should know that what truly satisfies a woman during sex Is the love, It is fulfilling just to be close to our sweetheart, to feel him inside of us, to have our body loved and adored. Sometimes we really want the release of orgasm, but at other times, guys, we are happy just to be with you. A woman’s body reacts to so many variables – where we are in our monthly cycle; the worries we have about work; what’s happening with the kids – and as we’ve seen, when our head is distracted, our body may not be able to fully let go. If we’re fine with that, then you should be too.
And please, don’t ever ask us if we,’_ve come yet. If you can’t tell, then you already have your answer.