4 reasons why you don’t like performing oral sex

Getty: Unhappy couple in bed

A friend of mine was recently describing what bothered her the most about her sex life with her man. “I hate it when he knows I’d like him to pleasure me orally, but he avoids it, and then expects to go ahead and do other things. If he doesn’t love me enough to do that then why should I let him stick his penis inside of me?”

Guys, I will try to be as clear and to the point as possible about this: Having a man make love to our vagina with his mouth can be the most intimate, as well as pleasurable, sexual experience there is for a woman.

This is the most vulnerable, delicate part of our body; it is the doorway into our womb. When a man worships us there with his mouth, we feel truly loved, accepted, and adored.

You know how much you love it when we give you oral sex, guys. So of course we love it when you reciprocate. (Some women do have a resistance to receiving oral sex, but that’s a whole other topic.) Therefore, when you avoid doing it to us, or do it reluctantly, we feel rejected, judged, and embarrassed. Then, like my friend, when you become all enthusiastic about having intercourse, we feel cheated.

“How come you get to do what you enjoy, but you won’t do what I enjoy?” we wonder.

Why do men have a problem giving oral sex?

1. YOU THINK CUNNILINGUS IS “DIRTY.”

Many men were brought up to think that the place between a woman’s legs was dirty. After all, women go to the bathroom down there, as well as menstruate. When you focus on the location of that part of the body, you are overlooking the spirit of the act of oral sex – it is a way for you to worship the essence of the woman you love.

2. YOU ARE WORRIED ABOUT HOW SHE SMELLS OR TASTES.

As I explained in Secrets About Men, our bodily secretions — semen for men, vaginal discharge for women – will reflect many factors, from the state of your physical health, what drugs or alcohol you imbibe, your diet, and even stress. Assuming a woman doesn’t have any infections, the natural scent of the vagina is usually musky and sensual. Sometimes women taste salty; sometimes we taste sweet. Hopefully your partner is scrupulous about keeping herself clean and fresh-smelling, and follows the same advice I gave men about washing before sex. With practice, you can become quite fond of a woman’s taste, particularly when you know that what you’re doing to her is making her very happy!

3. YOU’VE HAD A BAD EXPERIENCE GIVING A WOMAN ORAL SEX BEFOR.

If you’ve ever had an unpleasant experience performing oral sex on a partner, you may be reluctant to try it again. Perhaps you were with a woman who was uncomfortable with it, or inhibited, and you ended up feeling you weren’t doing it right. Perhaps you were with someone you really didn’t love, and the whole thing felt forced. Or perhaps It hasn’t gone well so far between you and your present partner, These negative experience can turn you off to ever wanting to go “down there” on a woman again. Please give yourself a chance to try once more, this time having learned many new things about women and our bodies.

4. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

Many men are reticent to admit that they really don’t know how to pleasure a woman orally. They feel they aren’t going to be very good at it and thus, fearful of disappointing her, they avoid it entirely. Guys, this is no excuse. Of course you won’t be an expert in the beginning — after all, you don’t have a vagina and have no idea what makes one feel good. But if you give your partner a chance, she will teach you. There are also many excellent books about sex that include chapters on the art of cunnilingus, and if you feel you don’t quite have enough information why not do some research?

A man who enjoys giving a woman oral sex is one of our biggest turn-ons. We will forgive you many other shortcomings if you master the art of loving us orally. And I’ll bet you’ll get more of the same from us, too.

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